Everytime I think of you
I always catch my breath
I'm still standing 'ere
And your miles away
And I wonder why I left you
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spent my time just thinking about you
And its almost driving me insane

But its my heart thats begging down this long distance line tonight

There's a message in the wires
And I am sendin' you a signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And It looks like I'm losing this fight

I'm stubborn and pessimist
I regret
But it's my heart that's breakin' down this long dusty road of mine

I'm in so deep
I'm scared to death
It's like I could drown
It's effortless
I feel so juvenile
Emotions going wild

Love is brutal
My Heart is fragile

Please don't talk about this love
The less they know the less they judge
Don't talk about this love to anyone
I don't want the world to know
Until I'm sure that you're the one
Don't talk about this love to anyone

Love is a ghost
I fear to touch
In case I lose my innocence
I feel so insecure
I'm not ready to be sure

Cheryl Cole - Don't talk about this love

Changes

more emotional post been up in this blog.. probably stressed up with my relationship.. Long distance is not a good thing.. my emotion rite now is like a rollercoaster.. i can snap anyone when my mood is down... but yeah.. i'm avoiding interaction wif ppl.. prob scared of hurting others..

lately, i'm up to ntg.. no travel, no working, just moping at home.. rummaged through foods and gaining tons of weight.. i dont feel caring abt weight... i drank more coffee than ever.. an extreme intake of black coffee.. not a good think unfortunately... i'm also burning up more cigs than my normal restraint back in the uk(i noe that u asked me to quit but now.. its hard to me to start getting rid of this sorry:< )

Let see how mch i gained from before to now.

Last vacation before flying home

Visiting my friend in other states in Msia after i came back

Visit to some cave few weeks after my visit to my friend above

Recent picture of me, my bro n sis in law

Can you guys spot how much i've gain since... I dont think i care much now..

It only hurts
when you start
pretending it doesn't..

i wanna die
i wanna bleed
i wanna cry
but all i can do
is just keep walking
with a smile on my face
and pretend previous scars
aren't really there

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Time and distance may take us apart, that's true,
but I will always be there for you.
You're in my heart, you'll be in my dreams,
no matter the miles between.

Depth in my heart

been months since we talked in person. or either meeting each other.. i thought i could put all this aside.. but i really cant.. running away does not offer me a good excuse of avoiding in leading you further or either putting you into my dilemma of trust.

Neither putting away nor not turning on the number i had before doesnt make things easier. I dont have heart to shut all our conversation. Ur constant im and fb still making me feel worse or should i say its bugging me..Ur persistant msg make me feel bad for not replying you. Appearing offline when you online make me feel worse..

It took me a long time to consider pouring this feeling out in the blog. Its a daring move. But hell yeah, i dont think you will see it anyway as u nvr noe i'm blogging.

I'm so sorry for everything. Its not only u suffering from my actions.. I'm also in pain. I did this is to protect both of us. You and me doesn't need to suffer this..No matter how many promises you made, i honestly cant wholly trusting you. As people always said.. Promises meant to be broken..

I experienced and witnessed of many breakups.. One may be a mutual and one may be from betrayal. No matter its mutual or not, its still pain.. I dont want this to taken into place our friendship..

I knew exactly that if this relationship doesn't work out, we will never be friends back.. i actually experienced this before.

I'm sorry if i asked you to backed out..I'm sorry for shutting you down from my life.. I dont want to be Hurt again from another serious relationship..

All those insecurities in my life make me worthless for you.. You can have better person compare to me..

No matter how much i shut you down, deeply inside my heart, u hold some place.. In the depth of my hearts, i know i love you.. I miss every single seconds i away from you.. I'm sorry for not keeping up my promise to return to you.. I've given chances to took off from this lonely place of mine to be back with you. But i cant.. I dont want to hurt you with all my insecurities.

If you really read this, i want you to know that I love you and i dont meant to give you pain.. maybe short term pain is better than a long term...

Maybe one day i will finally trust you.. accepting you at first and shutting you down later may be wrong.. but then, we never noe what will happen next..

I just want to apologize for all my actions. Breaking promises are inevitable. If i'm ready, i promise will return to you soon...

Thinking of you :)

Looking at your photograph, thinking how you make me laugh
You put a sparkle in my eyes, and give me crazy butterflies
My body lingers with your smile, thinking that I just might've fell
I miss you baby, can you see me, cause it feels like hell
And when you're not around, I need you,
And when I'm feeling down, I want you..

I read ur texts that made me smile, but I ain't haven't for awhile
I know u're sleeping this time zone, but im still staring at my phone
And your always there for me, I even see you in my dreams
My sacrifice, my paradise, my happy ending to the least
Every day and every night, Im waiting, Im waiting, I want you
And until the end of time, I'll love you, I'll love you

Bar Professional Training course

another hassle in applying for my bptc course nxt year.. wtf. the question under supporting evidence in da web are not easy.. its farkin weird question... when i saw it at first,i really thought..how on earth i can answer this..

uploading those basic detail is easy.. but then when i come to this question.. i'm dying.. darn.. application deadline is on january.. plenty of time stil to do this.. i seriously NEED an advice before attempting those ridiculous question.. yet i also still tinking which uni to go...

oh yeah... bptc is actually known as bar professional training course which was previously known as bar vocational course. for those that wanna apply.. the new website for this is
https://www.barprofessionaltraining.org.uk

Its a whole brand new webpage with also a brand new design.. just go checkout the new website if u r into the bptc course. :D